I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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