Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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