i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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