Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
