My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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