I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
