if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
