Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
