dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
