eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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