Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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