We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
