He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
