Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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