I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
