Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
