It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
