I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
