It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
