Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
