So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
