this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How's work?
Spinning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
