Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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