I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
