he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
