so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
