is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize