remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
