Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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