he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
