haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
