Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
