When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
