No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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