Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sorry about my life...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
