i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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