Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
