Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We just shotgunned beers for America
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
