State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize