I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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