if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
