i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
