She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
