she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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