Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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