Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
