How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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