I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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