He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
