If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
