And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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