You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize