my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
