life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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