I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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