It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
