it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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