As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
