I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
