I think my vagina is haunted
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
