Screwed.edu
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My cat gives me a boner
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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