a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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