Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
