Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize