I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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