so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
