He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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