3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
